after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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