in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
