I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
