I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
