Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
