so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
