just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
