Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
