It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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