sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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