oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize