piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize