Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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