i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
