Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
