I just threw up on my dentist
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
