we have officially mastered the walk of shame
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
