Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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