you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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