90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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