in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
