walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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