im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
