this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
