The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
