i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
