goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
