Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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