he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
