We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
