i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
