I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
