When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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