i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He shit in the fireplace
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
