If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
