"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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