you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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