So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
