i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Come share oat with me in your robe
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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