Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
