My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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