I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
