You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
