why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
