I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
