dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
