I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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