Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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