Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
