He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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