so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
