I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
