I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
