Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
