Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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