Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
