i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
do nipples grow back?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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