he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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