What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
