her vagine was all disorganized.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
