don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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